FOREVER

 Bismilahirrahmanirrahim.

.

Stop your tears and keep your head up, dear Umi.

I know it hurts but this is our journey,

I know it's suffocating but it was not the end of our love

How I wish I can stand by your side 

and hold your hand again.

How I wish to live fifty more years with you, and

See our seven child having their own love, like me and you.

How I wish we could grow old together,

and see each other hair turns white.

But I left really soon, right?

Wipe away your tears and put a smile on your face, dear Umi

Though it was a short life but I will never regret it

You came into my life was  the best thing happened

So was our children.

We might not see each other again 

But we will sooner, I promise.

I still love you as much as when we first met,

and I will continue to do that,

Until we meet again, later.

Do you still remember, dear Umi

The day we first met years ago,

The day we married 28 years ago,

The day our first daughter scored her exam,

The day our second daughter accidentally put her room into fire,

The day we urgently went to our only son who just got admitted into hospital, 

The day we thought our third daughter got missing but she was just in the toilet

The day we went to our forth daughter Huffaz graduation day

The day our fifth daughter got her ears bleed,

The day our last child was born.

and the rest of the days

we lived our life together, through ups and downs.

Till the day, I left you.

Remember those days, my dear Umi

and you will find me there.

Take your step and live your life, dear Umi,

There will be days that you fall hard

Not knowing what future holds and what to do

And you just wanna me come back

And be by your side

There will be days that you miss me 

Miss me so hardly

That you feel hard to breathe,

Knowing that I will never be there,

Just hold onto our memory and moment,

And you can feel me by your side,

I swear.

 Do you still remember my last days, dear Umi?

You might know and just deny it,

that I will never make it,

You might not know this, But I really want to say this,

Thank you and I am sorry

Thank you and I love you

Thank you for being my wife and mother to our children

Thank you for trying, Thank you for loving me, Thank you for your trust.

Thank you for always be there for me

Thank you for bringing me home

Thank you for be with me until my last breathe

Thank you for all these years.

and I am sorry for not holding on

and I am sorry for leaving you this sooner

and I am sorry for all the future days we have planned together

and I am sorry for not being there for the rest of your life,

and I am sorry for all these years,

and I am sorry that I make you cry.

I love you for the rest of my life, here and hereafter

Thank you, I am sorry, I love you, and be strong my dear.

Dear Umi, my darling,

Time will never heal your pain,

It just, you kinda learn how to live with it.

Live with our children stronger, 

And put your trust and hope on Him.

and keep this in your trust,

He has planned this for us for a brighter days ahead.

Dear Umi, my darling,

I will be missing you, 

As much as you miss me,

Remember me in your pray, days and night,

Till we meet again, 

in Jannah, with our seven children.

Dear Umi, my darling,

When the day comes,

I will hug you and kiss your head

Saying you had hold out enough

Saying you are way more stronger than I used to know

Saying those pains are all in the past

Saying how beautiful the pains turn into,

When we can see each other again,

I will hold your hand and will never let it go again,

We will live together again 

Loving each other again

Forever.